Walking through the gym the other day I notice one of the training rooms blocked off with a sign saying "Womens only training hours". "Damn", I think, "That must be pretty hot."

Then I realise "Congratulations, self, you're the exact reason they need women-only training hours in the first place".

Article-by-me #3 is now up and running over at Cracked, and I've taken another step towards being a real-life writer: I've been editedMost of it is pretty painless, cutting down and sharpening sentences (and apparently I hate American teenagers more than just regular teenagers now), but they also cut my favourite gag! Yes, I am not only being ( Read more... )

I have resolved that I am to become a better man. I will live a fuller life, with greater times with friends, more caring and love with my girlfriend; even my work will be approached with a joy and a vigour unmatched in all my previous, shallow life. Every second will be a delight and every breath an ecstasy ( Read more... )

It turns out that the internet loves my stuff. And who can blame it ( Read more... )

The most important man in the world graced the public with his presence at a screening of "300" last week. Arriving incognito, he was nevertheless recognised by the easy grace with which he made it clear that his own telephone conversations were more important than the hundreds of other people in the theater ( Read more... )

Behold, for my second actual factual paid piece of writing has been published over at Cracked.com


( Read more... )

"I shouldn't drink because I'll be using power tools later ( Read more... )

Eating Dim Sum this morning with my girlfriend and a friend of hers. They speak Mandarin, also known as Crazy-Wobbling-Incomprehensiblese, so I could tell I was being discussed and judged, but was unable to understand a word and honestly didn't care because I was being well fed. Like being in a dog show but without anyone lifting my tail and ( Read more... )

Raging Asian Women is a group I can respect. Annoyed with the stereotype of quiet, docile asian women they took action - not with the normal whining and angry letter writing of upset minorities that poisons this wussified Care Bears age, but by going out and doing the opposite as loudly as possible. And it doesn't get much louder than Taiko, the ( Read more... )

Counting things last night to help my girlfriend get to sleep.

"Count sheep."
"No. Boring."
"Count zebras then."
"1
2
3.14
17
Infinity, all the zebras that could ever potentially be.
Done
The End."

"Count more!""Counting Boobies ( Read more... )